Trust

   So today, my homework encouraged me, and I thought I would share it with you. I tried putting it into a Facebook status, but there was just too much to share. So y'all get a blog post instead. :)

   Today did not start out the way I wanted it to. I stayed up too late, and then couldn't fall asleep. So I was tired this morning and didn't get up as early as I wanted to. Then, as I'm trying to rush out the door, I can't find my lunch in the fridge. I probably spent at least five minutes looking through the whole fridge, because I knew that I had packed one. So where could it have gone? Turns out my husband didn't know it was mine and took it for his lunch. Well, at this point, I was supposed to be driving away, so I grabbed a hard-boiled egg, a pack of graham crackers and the almost-empty jar of peanut butter, and a bottle of milk and dash out the door. Traffic wasn't too bad, but my GPS keeps on trying to take me random ways to school, and it was driving me crazy. But I make it to school on time, and get to class. I'm early, but I like it that way. I'd rather be there early than leave later and get stuck in traffic and be late - that happened once. 15 minutes before class is supposed to start, one of my fellow classmates checks her email, and discovered that the professor had just cancelled class to a family emergency. I started laughing hysterically. Of course it was! Because that is the way the past couple days have been - if it could go wrong, it somehow did. Doesn't help that I'm hormonal and suffering from sleep deprivation. :)

    Anyway, I thought I'd take advantage of the extra time to write one of the three papers that are due on Thursday. "Journal Entry #5: Truth and Money". Boring, right? Ugh... But once I started writing, it took off in a direction I wasn't expecting, and I ended up being encouraged myself with these verses from Matthew 6:25-26 "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" And I realized that I've been stressing about things that I don't need to stress about. I mean, yes, I should be concerned about some things, and I need to be responsible, but stressing about them doesn't help anyone. After all, if I'm where God wants me to be, then He'll provide for my needs. They might not be what I think I need, but He knows best what I need and what I don't need. So I'm working on leaving my desires at His feet. I like to set them down and pick them back up again, but that isn't really trusting Him.

  So, I'm sitting myself down at His feet and I'm going to work at just being. Listening, trusting. Because life is more than all the little stuff that gets at you. It's bigger, grander, and beautiful. Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your week, and pray for me, if you think of me. 

   In His Love,

       Christy

Music Mix-Up Monday #38

Geoff, Tony, me, Layne, Eli, and Earl

Well, last Friday I went to a show at school. One of the perks of being a student at St. Kate's is that I don't have to pay for my ticket. And I'm so glad I went to see VoicePlay. They are AMAZING!!! The video I'm about to show you isn't from Friday night, but they did do this skit on Friday night. I've watched the video at least three times since Friday night. And it still makes me laugh. The talent that these five guys possess is just amazing. I know, I said that already, but this video is hysterical. I feel like the more times I see it, the funnier it gets. So if it doesn't seem all that funny the first time, try again. It might rub off on you. If it still doesn't seem funny, then you need a therapist. Oh, and watch it full screen. Their faces are just hilarious!



So, I hope your Monday is a little brighter. :) I know mine is. (as I watch it again.) Well, I'm off to go finish homework for school tomorrow. Have a wonderful start to your week!

In His Love,
Christy

Music Mix-Up Monday #37

Hey all! Life has been so busy, but I'm trying to make time to keep up with this blog. :) This song has been running through my head the past few days, so I thought I'd share my insanity with you all! :) Today has been a busy but productive day. How about the rest of y'all? (I had coffee today, and I'm feeling like I'm flying! :D Thanks, Mom!)




My sisters have been singing this song a lot this past week. Loving like I'm not scared and taking time for others are things that I have been thinking a lot about lately. But the more that I look to God, the more He gives me the courage to live my daily life. I hope this song picks you up and encourages you! I'm off to finish my homework! Have a great Monday, and keep your eyes fixed on the One who makes life worth living!!

In His Love,
Christy

Living Life to the Fullest

   "Life is short. Make the most of it." How many times have I heard that before? It seems to be a mantra for today's society. Some even paraphrase it and put it on coffee cups. "Life is short. Stay awake for it" Caribou says. I wonder though, how many people use it as an excuse to do stupid things or to be selfish. After all, if life is short, and you have to make the most of it, why wouldn't you focus most on yourself? But after the events of these past two weeks, I've been thinking about what "make the most of it" really means.

Aaron Lillemo

   My friend Aaron died suddenly in a motorcycle accident two weeks ago. At his funeral, people told stories about how he had touched their lives by the amount of time he'd spent with them, talking to them, challenging them. How he'd drop everything to help them. If an outsider had looked at his life, one might have judged him as someone who didn't do much. Or a "not nice person to associate with." He was retired military, a tattooed biker, and a truck driver. He was a smart aleck, often didn't have a filter when he was talking, and smoked. I know some people who wouldn't have wanted to be friends with him because of how he looked, and some of the things that he did, or some of the things he didn't do. That would have been their loss. The Aaron I knew was stubborn, hard on himself, and passionate. And he loved Jesus. One of my favorite memories was of him the day that he died. I was on the worship band, and so was blessed to see everyone else worshiping, and he had his head thrown back and his arms raised. It was a beautiful sight. And he carried his passion into everything he did. He was a do or die kind of guy. He was everywhere, all the time, with everyone. I don't think he really slept.

   Which makes me wonder, what does it mean, "make the most of life"? Aaron didn't know he was going to die when he got on his bike that day. None of us knew that that would be the last time we would see him. Do I live every moment as if it could be my last? Or am I apathetic about taking care of my half-started projects, investing in my friends, my family? Do they know that I love them? How do my actions say that? If I died tomorrow, would people be able to say that I loved them the way that Jesus loves them, or do I live for myself? Would a friend be comfortable to call me and say, I need help, can you help me? Would I be there for them? I don't know.

   Now, I don't want people to read this, and respond with, "Oh, Christy, of course they would." I don't want platitudes or empty reassurances. That isn't what this is about. It isn't about seeking a pat on the back. I'm looking at my life and asking God, "Where can I improve? What can I do that shows people I care about them?" Because in the end, it isn't really about what kind of job you had, whether you have tattoos or not, or smoke or not. Did you live your life for Christ? Did you love God, and love people? Not just as a platitude or sentiment, but really live that out in your daily life? Because if I'm not, then it doesn't matter if I live for another day, another year, or another eighty years. I will have wasted the few precious hours I have been given. Jesus calls us to be faithful with little, so we can be faithful with much. Am I faithful in the little things that make up a relationship, whether it's a family member or friend. Not as much as I could be. I don't always take the time to say I love you, or that I appreciate you. I think it, often. But that doesn't count.

   So, if you are a friend of mine, know that I love you. And I'm working on showing it better. Because I don't want to die and leave you wondering. "Live life to the fullest. Seize the day" isn't always about parachuting out of the airplane, or taking the trip around the world, or being the best at everything. It's about love. True, laying down your life for the other person, love. Jesus did a lot while He was on this earth, but thing He did the most, the thing that guided His every move, was love. And I want to be just like Him. And, slowly, I'm learning what that looks like.


In His Love,
Christy

Breaking the Silence

Well, I'll be honest and say that this post was not the post that I thought I was going to get to write a couple of months ago. But once again, God has got a different plan in mind for me than I did for myself. I suppose I should be used to this fact by now, but every time I think I've got something figured out, I realize I don't. :)

   This Mother's Day, Josh and I announced that we were expecting a baby. On Mother's Day. I was so happy. My birthday was just a few days away, and it seemed so fitting. The next day, I started spotting. What followed was a nearly four week long journey of hoping, of praying, that everything would turn out okay, and the baby would make it. But she didn't...

 You see, I've started this post a couple of times now, and each time I've started it, I've had to walk away. A part of me just isn't ready to talk about it on my blog yet... One day I will be, but right now, all I want to do is cry. It hurts. I don't know for sure if it was a girl or a boy, but we named her Lily Rose anyway.  I have a lot I want to say about those four weeks, but it's hard, and my thoughts feel like fragments. Wisps of thoughts that hover on the edge, without form or substance. One day I'll get them all down but I'm okay with the fact that today isn't today... 

  I don't have any words of wisdom or anything to say. In fact, I'm not quite sure how to end this blog post. Life continues on. We finally got all the books put away (we had all the carpet in the house replaced) and was that ever a project! Now I just have to update the list (ha!). Josh started a new job at the beginning of July and is enjoying it. I'm enjoying getting to see him again. :) I've been sick for the past two & half weeks - started out with a staff infection in my throat. I went in and saw the doctor again today because this stupid fever isn't going away. We aren't entirely sure what it is - we do know that it isn't strep. But they are running some tests and I should hopefully know something in the next few days. My family is going on a mini vacation next week. Oh, and I got into St. Catherine! I'm super excited about it!!! I'll be studying ASL to become an interpreter. They have one of the best programs in the nation, and it's right here in the twin cities. And because I'm a transfer student, I received a scholarship. That totally blew me away. 

Life goes on... bitter and sweet all mixed together. There's a quote that I like. "The way I see it, life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant." I'm working on appreciating the good in the midst of the hard, and looking for the good in the hard. 

"Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; when I awake, I am still with You." Psalm 139: 16-18

In His Love,

Christy

Music Mix Up Mondays #36

Happy Easter everyone! Yes, I know it was yesterday. :) When I was younger, we used to be involved in the play that our church did for Easter. We called it a Passion Play. And this was one of the songs that they used to sing during the crucifixion scene. It is still one of my favorites. "Down the Via Dolorosa" by Sandy Patti.




In His Love,
 Christy

Music Mix-Up Mondays #35

Happy Monday everyone! I hope you are all having a wonderful start to your week. In my devotions, I've been focusing a lot on how life isn't really about me, but about God. And what that looks like lived out. I mean, I've known that for most of my life, but what does it look like in reality? How am I letting that fact change my life? One of the things I've been working on is looking for the positive, and being thankful for what I have, instead of ungrateful for what I don't. I know that sounds really elementary, but sometimes it's good to go back to the roots and work on making the foundation stronger. So, with that in mind, and with Easter just around the corner, I thought I'd do "Praise the King," sung by Cindy Morgan.

Without Him, life isn't worth living. And I know how easy it is to get caught up in the hum of busy life. Been there, done that. But it's good to stop and just say, Thank You. And remember all that He does for us.

In His Love,
Christy

Thoughts

Standing in the Rain.

Hey guys... So it's been a couple of weeks since I posted anything. I got the flu, twice, in the space of a week. :/ NOT FUN! But it's finally all gone, and I'm feeling like I'm catching up on life again, so here I am. These past few weeks have been really hard. For the past two and a half years, I've worked at the daycare that is at our church. I have loved my job and the kids. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I ended up losing my job. It was very sudden and unexpected. My heart has been hurting since then. I know God has a plan in all of this, and a part of me is excited to see what happens, but on the other hand, it just doesn't make sense and that makes it difficult.
   See, I've battled feelings of inferiority for most of my teenage/adult life. Feeling like I'm not as important or worth as much others. I've known, to some extent, that that isn't the truth, but it hasn't changed how I felt. I've felt like I couldn't measure up to someone's idea of who or what I should be. I've been replaced, I'm not needed. I'm not valuable. These are all lies that I have believed for most of my life. And they have tried to wreak havoc in my life. I have striven for perfection in the hopes of proving the lies wrong. But they sat in the shadows, waiting for me to mess up and prove that they were right. They hounded my heels, causing me to question what I was doing and why. The other lie that has dodged my every step was one that didn't really sound like a lie. More like I thought that it was the way it was supposed to be. It masqueraded as humility, but really, it wanted to own me. The lie? I call it Just. I'm only a "just". I downplayed all that I am. My hair and eyes are just brown, I'm only so tall, I'm only an aide, I can only read notes, I can't hear music, etc. You name it, I downplayed it and discounted it. I've looked at others and thought about how much better they were than me. It sat there and whispered and fed the other lies. Just. Such a small word, yet when allowed, it toyed with my life and caused chaos and commotion. It's a lie that because "I'm only a 'just,' I don't matter as much. Others have more to say. Someone else can do it better."
   And not only was this a lie that caused me to doubt myself and God, but I used this lie as a shield to keep myself safe. That way, others couldn't discount me. If I didn't reach out and try for things, no one could say that I failed. Or that I didn't measure up. Or I wasn't good enough. Or whatever. It didn't really matter, I just didn't want to be belittled or made fun of. To be made like I didn't matter.
   But it doesn't matter what other people say about me. Because all of those lies are just that. Lies. They aren't what God says about me. He says that He CHOSE me. He called me by name. I don't need to prove anything to anyone because I am His. I am His beloved. And nothing is wasted. Everything works together for my good. And He knows the plans that He has for me, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
   These are all thoughts that have been mulling around in my brain for the past few months... And then I lost my job. And you know what? Those lies didn't rear their ugly heads. God has been working on my heart, and I know that it is all going to be okay. Am I sad? You bet! But this I know for sure: God is in control. He is my Beloved, and I am His. He is hiding me in the shadow of His wings, and the storm can't get to me. I just have to chose to trust Him. I'll be honest, though, some days are easier than others. I grieve for all that was lost. But I don't wallow in the lies that I am a failure. Did I mess up? Yes, I didn't do it all perfectly. But that doesn't make me a failure. It just means that I am human. And in my humanness, mistakes were made. I'm working on my flaws, and striving to live as Christ has called me. I'm not perfect, but He is perfect in me. And one day, I'll be mature. Mostly. :) There's a part of me that will always remain childlike, but I like that part of me. :)
   I apologize for the length, but hopefully this has encouraged you as much as it has encouraged me. For in putting all these thoughts into words, He has reminded me that I'm not alone, and He is good. And nothing happens that isn't going to be good for me.

In His Love,
   Christy

My Year in Review

So, since I haven't posted in a year, I thought I'd do a quick Year-In-Review, just to catch all y'all up to speed about what's been happening in my life. My last post from last year was in April, with a photo-shoot that my sister did. That following weekend, I got ENGAGED! And my life since then has been a rapid ride, full of many changes, some pleasant, and some not so pleasant.

I'll be honest and say that I thought that I'd never get married. I'd been down that road once already, and it hadn't worked out, and I'd reached a point in my life where I figured I'd missed it, you know? And I really was okay with that. I figured I'd get a cute little house, a couple of cats, and be happy with my writing and my knitting. A good, old-fashioned, old maid, so to speak. And I enjoyed that idea. So when Josh walked into my life, it was a huge upset. Not a bad one, mind you, but a big one. And it did cause a lot of old hurts that I'd thought I'd gotten over to come back up again, in a different way. But by the time Josh proposed, I was head over heals in love, and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was God's plan for the both of us.

So, I got engaged in April, and we started wedding planning right away. WOW! I've never been very good at making a lot of decisions when I have a ton of options, and planning a wedding is nothing but full of decisions with a bazillion options. Who knew that people cared what was on the tables, and that it really did matter if the plates were white or not, or if the silverware was clear plastic or white plastic. Really? All that matters? Why? But anyway, I digress. I went dress shopping and found the perfect dress (is there any other?) and things started to fall into place after that. I think it was harder trying to find a bridesmaid's dress than it was to find my dress! No wonder my hair is turning grey. :) It was so amazing how so many people pitched in to help. I had one friend who catered the food, and it was AMAZING! Another friend helped me with the flowers and putting the bouquets and organizing the decorating. If it wasn't for her, I'm not sure how the wedding would have turned out!  And I couldn't have done it without my maid of honor. She was there through it all for me. We made colored sand and melted crayons to make crayon hearts. It was so much fun. Stressful at times, but fun. Crazy, wild, but fun.

And then, almost before I could blink, the wedding date arrived. So many things happened that day, it was CRAZY! But God was good, and everything worked out, and the day just flew by. I got married in September, and it was beyond anything I could imagine. I'll upload some pictures in another blog post, but I don't have access to any right now.

Since then, I've just been working a lot, and adjusting to being married. It's really different, not going to lie, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I've dealt with a lot of junk from my past these past few months, and Josh has been incredible supportive. God has been washing and cleansing my heart, and I'm learning to walk on the waves while keeping my eyes fixed on Him. But more on that to come later. :) I've just got to say, it's good to be back. I have missed writing and blogging. Hope you all have a wonderful evening!

In His Love,
Christy

Music Mix-Up Mondays #34

Hey All! So these past few days have been really hard, as I've had something unexpected happen in my life. It was a shock, and it's been really hard and sad. No, no one died or anything. :) But it still hurts and is sad. And yesterday, my mother showed me this hysterical video that I thought I'd share. If you haven't heard of the movie Frozen yet, then you really must be living under a rock or in the forest. :) This is the song, "Let it Go," sung by a young man doing many favorite and beloved Disny & Pixar voices. Enjoy!
Which character was your favorite? I really like Winnie the Pooh. Or Goofy. :) I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did, and it brought a smile to your day! :) In His Love, Christy

Music Mix-Up Mondays #33

Hey Everyone... I know I haven't blogged in about a year, but one of my "new year resolutions" has been to blog more. Obviously, that hasn't happened yet. But, "every day is fresh, with no mistakes in it yet," and I'm starting fresh today. :) So, since today is Monday, and Monday is my music day, I'd thought I'd start with a music video. This week, I picked a song from my church's women's retreat that happened a couple of weeks ago. I've heard this song a bazillion times before, but this time, God used it in a new way for me. The song is called "Forever Reign" by Hillsong.




In the second verse it says, "You are peace, You are peace when my fear is crippling, You are true, You are true, even in my wandering. You are joy, You are joy, You're the reason that I sing. You are life, You are life, in You death has lost its sting." and the phrase, "in You death has lost its sting" jumped out at me. I've always thought that it was talking about physical death, which is true. But there was so much more that God had for me. This is what He showed me:
   Not just physical death at the end of my life. But the death of the lies that I have believed, the friendships that are lost, the dreams that have been shattered, the innocence that has been ripped away, the emotions that were trample on, the freedom that was cut off. They will be restored by His power. The power of the enemy is gone. The sting has been replaced by my Heavenly Father's love, by the grace of Jesus, until the only thing left in me is His light and truth. I have no need to walk in the pain of death.

So that is my encouragement to you today. Don't walk in the pain of death, whatever form it may take in your life. It does not need to have power over your life. Jesus died to take it away. Run to His arms, for only there can one be made whole again.

In His Love,
Christy