Well, I'll be honest and say that this post was not the post that I thought I was going to get to write a couple of months ago. But once again, God has got a different plan in mind for me than I did for myself. I suppose I should be used to this fact by now, but every time I think I've got something figured out, I realize I don't. :)
This Mother's Day, Josh and I announced that we were expecting a baby. On Mother's Day. I was so happy. My birthday was just a few days away, and it seemed so fitting. The next day, I started spotting. What followed was a nearly four week long journey of hoping, of praying, that everything would turn out okay, and the baby would make it. But she didn't...
You see, I've started this post a couple of times now, and each time I've started it, I've had to walk away. A part of me just isn't ready to talk about it on my blog yet... One day I will be, but right now, all I want to do is cry. It hurts. I don't know for sure if it was a girl or a boy, but we named her Lily Rose anyway. I have a lot I want to say about those four weeks, but it's hard, and my thoughts feel like fragments. Wisps of thoughts that hover on the edge, without form or substance. One day I'll get them all down but I'm okay with the fact that today isn't today...
I don't have any words of wisdom or anything to say. In fact, I'm not quite sure how to end this blog post. Life continues on. We finally got all the books put away (we had all the carpet in the house replaced) and was that ever a project! Now I just have to update the list (ha!). Josh started a new job at the beginning of July and is enjoying it. I'm enjoying getting to see him again. :) I've been sick for the past two & half weeks - started out with a staff infection in my throat. I went in and saw the doctor again today because this stupid fever isn't going away. We aren't entirely sure what it is - we do know that it isn't strep. But they are running some tests and I should hopefully know something in the next few days. My family is going on a mini vacation next week. Oh, and I got into St. Catherine! I'm super excited about it!!! I'll be studying ASL to become an interpreter. They have one of the best programs in the nation, and it's right here in the twin cities. And because I'm a transfer student, I received a scholarship. That totally blew me away.
Life goes on... bitter and sweet all mixed together. There's a quote that I like. "The way I see it, life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant." I'm working on appreciating the good in the midst of the hard, and looking for the good in the hard.
"Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; when I awake, I am still with You." Psalm 139: 16-18
In His Love,
Christy
