...Waiting...

    Hello, my beautiful friends... any of you ever feel like you are stuck in a holding pattern? Like, no matter what you are doing, nothing ever changes? No, just me? That's ok. I don't mind. Because I know I'm not really alone in this feeling.

    Because, if we were all honest, we'd be able to say that we never thought life would be this hard. That when we were kids, we never imagined life would turn out the way that it did... that dreams that we thought would come true turned out to be a living nightmare. Or they never happened. Or the cost was higher than we expected. Or... fill in the blank with your own hard. Because we all have it. Regardless of the Instagram pictures or the Facebook posts of all the perfection, we all have hard. And oftentimes we feel stuck. I know I do. 

    But guess what, friends? We aren't alone when we are waiting. God is with us. And there is such a relief in letting go of trying to figure it out on your own. Because I struggle with that. Especially lately. There have been some challenges that I'm trying to figure out how to navigate, and there are times when I feel oh so very alone. I know I'm not alone, I have friends and family who care and are willing to be helpful, but it is so easy to feel alone. Especially when things are hard. So I have turned to the One who is always there. And like always, He is right there, with Hope for the waiting. 

    I'm currently doing "Discerning the Voice of God" by Priscilla Shirer, and there's a quote that has stood out to me (I mean, there are many, but I'm limiting myself to one, maybe two for this post), "The Architect of your life knows exactly what He is doing... All you can do is fully engage in the task before you today, believing that 'all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to His purpose' (Rom 8:28 CSB). Never think that your circumstances are disconnected from His leading and His will." And I love that, because it is so easy to get caught up in trying to figure things out, and trying to make things happen, but all I have to do is to keep on doing what He's asked of me, and to keep waiting. And He will take care of the rest.

    So while I've been mulling over all of that, He hits me with this song. And I love how He just drops songs into my life when I need them. He knows that music is part of the heartbeat of my life, and He uses it to encourage and challenge me.

    

    So just know, my beautiful friend, that you are not alone in your waiting. Whatever that may look like in your life. Take courage, and hold on to your hope, because He is never failing. 

In His Love and Hope,

Christy

Building Boats and Burning Ships: Part 2

    Whelp... I had planned on blogging weekly this year, but we can see how well that has been going for me. To be honest, I have started and restarted this post so many times. But my emotions were bigger than the page, and I didn't have words to express them. And every time I sat down to blog, I sat there empty and swallowed up by my emotions. So, I waited. And clearly, kept on waiting. Every so often I would open up this page and stare at it, trying to figure out what to say, how to say it... 

    ...because, my friend, life is hard. My word for last year and now this year is "Hope", and let me tell you, last year was an emotionally exhausting year. In January, our church was offering a grief class, and I was not prepared for how draining it is to process grief. Because let's be honest, no one really talks about grief, and how exhausting it can be. And I don't know why there was so much grief, because it had been a few years since my divorce. Maybe enough time had gone by that I was at a place that I could properly process it, I'm not sure, but it hit me like a freight train. 

    But I kept going, because, you know, there are bills to pay and I have a child to take care of. Life has to be lived, even in the midst of all sorts of hard things. And I knew that, with Jesus, I would make it through. He had been faithful so far, and would continue to be faithful. He had promised in His Word, and I clung to that. 

    Because I never wanted to be divorced. I really didn't. I had no choice. But that's another story for another time. The point is, we all have hard things that we don't want to go through, that leave us with wounds and grief. And sometimes unhealthy coping skills, too. I'm still working on fixing some of mine. You do the best that you can in the moment that you are in. And then, when the time is right, Jesus is like, hey, you know that thing you are doing, and that wound you have? How about you let Me take that from you and help you heal from it? Because He is good that way. He wants us to live healed lives. 

    So in processing a lot of my grief, I had a choice to make - was I going to let the pain of my divorce define my life, forever tying myself to one horrific event, or was I going to let go of the hurt, and the right to be angry, and walk forward in His redeeming grace?

    

    This song has meant a lot to me over the past few months, as I have pondered what it looks like to  "step in to a new day". Outwardly, not much has changed - I still have my same job, go to the same church, my son goes to the same school. But inwardly, my heart feels different. I am burning the old ships and building my new boat. Because what God has is so much more than I can even begin to imagine. And He wants the same for you, too, my beautiful friend. If you are willing to trust Him in this hard process. Will you join me?

In His Love and Hope,

Christy

Building Boats and Burning Ships: Part 1

    Hello internet friends. This year has been a wild ride so far, and it is only the first week in February.  The amount of stupid, stupid stuff that has happened is simply mind boggling. And not just to me. In talking with friends at church and whatnot, the amount of stuff they're also dealing with is just stupid. 

    I realize it's been awhile since I last blogged (like, a whole year) so I decided to go back and read my last post before diving in again, and this line jumped out at me: "Which is why I am so excited for this new year. The Lord has promised me that this year is the year of Hope." And let me tell you friends, last year was one of the hardest years I've had. 

    But what does that have to do with Hope, you might ask? Well, I was reminded of something the other day - whatever we pray for, we get the opposite of. You want more patience? You get trials to grow your patience? Want more joy? Gotta go through some suffering first to grow the joy. You can't have one without the other, it seems. I wanted more hope - it appears I had to walk through a whole heck of a lot of grief first. Last January, our church was offering a grief class, and I was not prepared for how draining it is to process grief. Because let's be honest, no one really talks about grief, and how exhausting it can be. 

    And I tried to blog about it, but I didn't have the words - the emotions were too big for words. So I cried a lot, prayed a lot. Did my normal life, too, because life goes on. Even when all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for at least a week. Which, as we all know, isn't exactly practical if you are a parent or have bills to pay.

    But a couple of weeks ago, I was talking with my Bible study ladies, and we were discussing praying for situations, and jokingly the comment was made that one should be careful what you pray for, and how you pray for it, because it never quite turns out how you expect. Like, patience and trials. And I realized (only took me an entire year) that hope and grief are the same way. 

    And then the next day I heard this song. Now, granted, I had heard this song many times before, but sometimes songs hit differently at different times.  

    The beauty of this song is the hope that is promised. I still feel like I'm stuck in the desert, but because I have faith and hope I'm going to build my boat. But Christy, you may be asking, if you are building a boat, then why are you also burning ships? That, my beautiful friend, is another story for a different day. Until then, pray the brave prayers. Ask for patience, for joy, for hope, for the dreams of your heart. Because He longs to give you more than you could possibly imagine. Even when it doesn't look like what you think it should. 

In His Love and Hope,

Christy