Knights in Shining Armor...

   Have you ever been in a situation, and all you wanted was someone to come along and help you? Particularly, a knight in shining armor.  Isn't that basically every single girl's dream?  Well, the past few weeks, I've been put in different situations where it would have been nice to have a "knight in shining armor," but I had to make do by myself.  But then on Tuesday, the car died - again.
   I was driving to work, and all of a sudden, it started dinging, and said that the coolant temperature was hot.  I couldn't drive, and quickly pulled the car over to the edge of the road, where it proceeded to die.  It had been a long day already, and I just wanted to cry.  I called my mother, who was driving home with my father, and told her that the car died.  She told my dad, and he said he would come and help me.  And I was sitting there, in my car, just thinking... I don't even recall what exactly I was thinking about, but I was watching all the cars drive right on by, and I was sort of wishing that someone would just stop and see if I was okay.  Did anybody care at all?  And then I was thinking, you know, if this was a story, this would be where the knight in shining armor came in on his white horse and rescued the damsel in distress.  I mean, isn't that the way it should be?  But before I could start to feel frustrated or complain about the state I was in, I looked in my rear-view mirror and saw my dad pull up - in our white pick-up truck, no less!  And it was like God just whispered in my heart, "Who says that there aren't any knights around anymore?"
   I don't know where I would be without my dad and brother around.  Even though my brother is in Germany, he still managed to help me learn how to take the battery out of our van, hook up to the charger and get it fully charged.  They've always taken care of me.  I'm rather glad that my "little" brother is bigger than me - it's rather fun. :)  But anyway, here's to you Daddy, and Luke.  You are my knights in shining armor.  And I thank God for you daily.

   In His Love,
     Christy

Submission...

 "I have found that often when I am struggling the most with something, I actually already know what I should do or am supposed to do, but I don't like it and want to do something else, thereby creating the struggle."
   A few years ago, I was engaged.  After a few months, we ended the engagement.  That whole process is another story for another time.  The important thing is that, I truly believe that God called me into the courtship and He called me out of it.  During the time of when I was struggling with whether or not to end the engagement, I really felt like God was asking me to "lay my 'Isaac' down."  I was devastated, but was willing to trust God.  However, I think a part of me expected a "ram" to show up, or for something to happen so that "Isaac" would come back to me.  And I got angry with God when it didn't happen the way I thought it should have. 
  My "Isaac" - I wanted to be married.  I did truly love the person I was engaged to, and had given him my heart totally and completely.  Don't get me wrong.  But, for the past year or so, I have wanted to be married.  I believe that I have put marriage on a pedestal. Above what God wants to do in my life.  And a part of me was afraid to trust God again.  I'm afraid that He'll ask me to walk away again and I'll never get married.
  All that being said, a couple of weeks ago, I was at church, and the topic was on Submission.  And one thing that Pastor Bill said really stood out.  He used three stories to illustrate true submission - Abraham offering up Isaac, Ananias praying for Saul/Paul (Acts 9:10-17), and Jesus being able to say, "Not My will, but Yours be done."  And Pastor Bill asked the question, "Why were they able to do that?" And I know this is probably really basic, but for me, it was what I needed to hear.  Pastor Bill said, they trusted in God's love.  They knew God and had a relationship with Him.  And just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said, "Even if He doesn't rescue us, we will still do what He says," I need to come to the place where I trust God's love me.  Walking with God isn't a prison.  It isn't a list of do's and don'ts.  It's about a relationship, communication, trust, and love.  And I'm realizing that I cannot love people fully when I myself don't trust my Father's love for me.  I cannot be truly content with my life when I don't trust His love for me. Walking with God is freedom - freedom from lies, discontentment, worries, and fear. 
    And as much as I want to be free, I sometimes think that I am willing to settle because I'm familiar with the fears, worries, and lies.  But if I truly trust God and His love for me, then I shouldn't be willing to settle for anything less than what He wants for me.  So, the question remains, How much do I really and truly trust Him?  I have to honestly say, I don't know.  But I want to find out.  Every day I want to choose His love over my fears.  His grace and mercy over my sins.  His path over my own way.
   Lord, help me please.  I want to submit to Your love, but I can't do it without Your grace.  I want to trust You again.  Forgive me for my hardness of heart and lack of faith.  As I continue to step out in faith, please be with me.  I love You, Lord.  Help me to know You better.  To love You better.  Amen.

   In His Love,
    Christy

Pouring Out:: September...

Okay, so I wasn't really sure what to expect when I started doing the Pouring Out... But what I didn't expect was to learn so much about myself in the process.  But before I go into that, I'll start at the beginning... :)

   I really prayed about who I was supposed to "pick" for this month, and the more I prayed about it, the more I felt impressed on my heart to do my sister Bekah.  Now, at first I didn't want to - I mean, she is my sister, I see her all the time - she knows I love her!  But the more I prayed about it and thought about it, I realized - why not my sister?  How often do I go through life and not tell those who are closest to me that I love them?  I know I say it to my friends all the time, and we do all sorts of stuff together, but my family?  And then I realized to, that i thought my family might not appreciate it as much as someone who wasn't a family member; and then I realized, wow, that is one of the most prideful statements I have made!  The pouring out isn't about me - it's about God's love and how He wants to give it to others, and I'm just simply the vehicle.  So, after that attitude adjustment, I started praying for ways that I could show Bekah God's love in tangible ways.

  So, I first started texting her at night, telling her I loved her, I was praying for her, ect.  Then we went and watched a movie that she had really wanted to see.  I had so much fun & the movie was great!  The next week she was planning on going out of town for 3 weeks.  I wanted to get her a going-away gift, but couldn't think of anything, so I went to Wal-Mart, thinking I would just get a couple of things.  I ended up getting her some nail polish, cosmetics, and I was thinking that I could get a cute little box or something to put it in, but then all of a sudden I caught sight of the travel cosmetics - and I realized that she didn't have one.  I was so grateful to God for showing me that, and it was perfect.  I added some candy to fill it up, and put in a fun card.  I had so much fun and was so blessed myself.  

   Then she was gone, and I didn't really know what to do.  I was still texting her, but then I got caught up in my own life, and didn't really do anything.  I was still praying for her in the morning, but I forgot to show it visibly.  Not quite, out of sight, out of mind, but that sort of mentality.  And then I was challenged by friend Alyssa, who asked how I was doing.  And I was honest and said that I hadn't really been doing anything, that I couldn't really think of anything.  And she asked me if I had posted on Facebook, or emailed or texted, and I admitted that, no I hadn't really thought of doing that.  So, after being challenged to finish strong, I've been posting on her wall or sending her pieces of flair, and just asking how I could pray for her.  It was so eye-opening to see how easily I become absorbed in my own life and forget to do the little details that really do matter.  How easy to focus on myself and say, oh I'll do it later.  And yet later never comes. 
   So, this month, I've been learning just how selfish I really am... But I am so grateful that God still loves me.  I don't need to become discouraged and wallow in self-pity - "Oh, I'm such a selfish, horrible person," blah blah blah.  No!  God brought to my mind 2 Corinthians 7:10: "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death."  And I realized that once again, my focus was on me.  Instead of learning from my mistakes, I was content to wallow in self-pity.  I was so convicted, and have been moving forward since then.  I often still get sidetracked, let my focus get off of God and back on me, but my heart's cry is to focus on Him, and let Him love others through me. 
   Lord, I pray that I wouldn't forget what I have learned this month.  Thank you so much for bringing these things into my life, for allowing me to be tested so I can draw closer to You.  Help me to turn to You first.  Amen.

  In His Love,
    Christy