Pouring Out:: September...

Okay, so I wasn't really sure what to expect when I started doing the Pouring Out... But what I didn't expect was to learn so much about myself in the process.  But before I go into that, I'll start at the beginning... :)

   I really prayed about who I was supposed to "pick" for this month, and the more I prayed about it, the more I felt impressed on my heart to do my sister Bekah.  Now, at first I didn't want to - I mean, she is my sister, I see her all the time - she knows I love her!  But the more I prayed about it and thought about it, I realized - why not my sister?  How often do I go through life and not tell those who are closest to me that I love them?  I know I say it to my friends all the time, and we do all sorts of stuff together, but my family?  And then I realized to, that i thought my family might not appreciate it as much as someone who wasn't a family member; and then I realized, wow, that is one of the most prideful statements I have made!  The pouring out isn't about me - it's about God's love and how He wants to give it to others, and I'm just simply the vehicle.  So, after that attitude adjustment, I started praying for ways that I could show Bekah God's love in tangible ways.

  So, I first started texting her at night, telling her I loved her, I was praying for her, ect.  Then we went and watched a movie that she had really wanted to see.  I had so much fun & the movie was great!  The next week she was planning on going out of town for 3 weeks.  I wanted to get her a going-away gift, but couldn't think of anything, so I went to Wal-Mart, thinking I would just get a couple of things.  I ended up getting her some nail polish, cosmetics, and I was thinking that I could get a cute little box or something to put it in, but then all of a sudden I caught sight of the travel cosmetics - and I realized that she didn't have one.  I was so grateful to God for showing me that, and it was perfect.  I added some candy to fill it up, and put in a fun card.  I had so much fun and was so blessed myself.  

   Then she was gone, and I didn't really know what to do.  I was still texting her, but then I got caught up in my own life, and didn't really do anything.  I was still praying for her in the morning, but I forgot to show it visibly.  Not quite, out of sight, out of mind, but that sort of mentality.  And then I was challenged by friend Alyssa, who asked how I was doing.  And I was honest and said that I hadn't really been doing anything, that I couldn't really think of anything.  And she asked me if I had posted on Facebook, or emailed or texted, and I admitted that, no I hadn't really thought of doing that.  So, after being challenged to finish strong, I've been posting on her wall or sending her pieces of flair, and just asking how I could pray for her.  It was so eye-opening to see how easily I become absorbed in my own life and forget to do the little details that really do matter.  How easy to focus on myself and say, oh I'll do it later.  And yet later never comes. 
   So, this month, I've been learning just how selfish I really am... But I am so grateful that God still loves me.  I don't need to become discouraged and wallow in self-pity - "Oh, I'm such a selfish, horrible person," blah blah blah.  No!  God brought to my mind 2 Corinthians 7:10: "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death."  And I realized that once again, my focus was on me.  Instead of learning from my mistakes, I was content to wallow in self-pity.  I was so convicted, and have been moving forward since then.  I often still get sidetracked, let my focus get off of God and back on me, but my heart's cry is to focus on Him, and let Him love others through me. 
   Lord, I pray that I wouldn't forget what I have learned this month.  Thank you so much for bringing these things into my life, for allowing me to be tested so I can draw closer to You.  Help me to turn to You first.  Amen.

  In His Love,
    Christy