My Dear Friend

 My Dear Friend,

    I am sorry I wasn't more excited about your announcement. I am happy for you. I am so excited that you are living your best life. Truly. But please, hear my heart... 

      I am still grieving... 

            Grieving what divorce has stolen from me, from my future, from my son. Grieving what was and what could have been. Outwardly, it might look like I am doing just fine. And, for the most part, I am. I am content with my life. Most days I am just fine. 

Squish-Man

And then there are the other days...

    The days when my son asks if he can have a sister...

        The days when I get an invitation to another baby shower, another Save the Date announcement...

Or the days when I am simply sad...

    When getting out of bed and facing ANOTHER day is hard... 

            Another evening when I curl up in an empty bed and wonder if I will cry myself to sleep again...

 And I turn to Jesus and cry on His shoulder... and when I am done, I wipe my eyes and move on with my day, because staying in bed is not an option. Wallowing is not healing. The grief is real, and at times so strong it almost hurts physically. But with Jesus, I am stronger than the grief. 

So, PLEASE, my dear friend, tell me all your wonderful news... I want to know. I want to celebrate with you. These are not either/or emotions. I am both happy for you and grieving at the same time. 

    And when life is hard, please tell me that too. My hard doesn't not negate your hard. No one's life is perfect. I will offer a hug and a shoulder to cry on. Life is messy and hard, and we are in it together.

Sunrise Through the Mist

            One day, it won't be so hard. The grief won't be so big. The wound won't be so fresh. I live with the hope of those days. 

    But until then, my beloved friend, please keep talking to me. I don't know what I would do if you stopped sharing with me because you were afraid of hurting me. Not talking to me would hurt me more. 

    Together we can find a way through the hard...

        That is the promise I hold on to. It is a promise I make to you as well. To understand when life is hard and you are struggling to just get through the day. 

    This is a new song to me... I only heard it last week, and I have been listening to it a lot. This last weekend was hard and I was sad. I needed to hear truth. 

"Run" by Addison Road

    

    So, my dear friend, please extend grace for my journey. I love you and I need you. 

In His Love,

Christy

"Alive and Breathing"

 Hello Friends...

    Where to start? This is actually a question that I wrestle with on a regular basis - how does one start to explain everything that has happened? When one is in the middle of the mess, it is hard to see both the beginning and the ending.

    And the last seven years have been a mess. They've been full of the hard, the struggle, the long road with no end in sight. Filled with a weariness that has seeped into the very marrow of my bones and felt like it would never leave. And I am sure I am not the only one who has felt this way.

    I do not say this to invoke pity or to make you feel sorry for me. I say it because it is the truth. However, it is not the only truth from the last seven years. For I have not walked this hard, long road alone. I know, deep in my soul, that I would not have survived if it wasn't for Jesus. And as I try and figure out what my new normal looks like, I am thankful that I don't have to have the answers, I don't have to know everything. I simply sit at His feet and ask Him what He would have me do. It might be simple, but it is not easy.

    At some point, I am sure, I will share more about everything that has happened in the last seven years. But I won't overwhelm you with everything in one blog post. 😊 

    But in the meantime, I thought I'd share a song that has really spoken to me in the last few months. I don't know about you, but for me, music has always been a way that truth speaks to my heart. There is something about putting words and music together that gives them an ability to be heard in a different way. There have been a few that I have treasured and listened to on repeat over the years. Some have been more quiet, meditative, reflective songs, while others are ones that you blast while you drive with your windows rolled down. This song is one of the latter, and with the lovely fall weather we are currently having, it has been idyllic.

   Alive and Breathing

    If you ask me how I'm doing, I'll probably say, "Alive and Breathing," and this will be what I am thinking of. I hope this song encourages you as much as it encourages me. That you take a moment to stop and breathe. To feel the sunshine on your face, or rain, depending on your weather. May the goodness of God fill your heart and remind you that you are deeply, passionately loved by the One who made you and knows you intimately.

In His Love,

Christy