Music Mix Up Mondays #36

Happy Easter everyone! Yes, I know it was yesterday. :) When I was younger, we used to be involved in the play that our church did for Easter. We called it a Passion Play. And this was one of the songs that they used to sing during the crucifixion scene. It is still one of my favorites. "Down the Via Dolorosa" by Sandy Patti.




In His Love,
 Christy

Music Mix-Up Mondays #35

Happy Monday everyone! I hope you are all having a wonderful start to your week. In my devotions, I've been focusing a lot on how life isn't really about me, but about God. And what that looks like lived out. I mean, I've known that for most of my life, but what does it look like in reality? How am I letting that fact change my life? One of the things I've been working on is looking for the positive, and being thankful for what I have, instead of ungrateful for what I don't. I know that sounds really elementary, but sometimes it's good to go back to the roots and work on making the foundation stronger. So, with that in mind, and with Easter just around the corner, I thought I'd do "Praise the King," sung by Cindy Morgan.

Without Him, life isn't worth living. And I know how easy it is to get caught up in the hum of busy life. Been there, done that. But it's good to stop and just say, Thank You. And remember all that He does for us.

In His Love,
Christy

Thoughts

Standing in the Rain.

Hey guys... So it's been a couple of weeks since I posted anything. I got the flu, twice, in the space of a week. :/ NOT FUN! But it's finally all gone, and I'm feeling like I'm catching up on life again, so here I am. These past few weeks have been really hard. For the past two and a half years, I've worked at the daycare that is at our church. I have loved my job and the kids. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I ended up losing my job. It was very sudden and unexpected. My heart has been hurting since then. I know God has a plan in all of this, and a part of me is excited to see what happens, but on the other hand, it just doesn't make sense and that makes it difficult.
   See, I've battled feelings of inferiority for most of my teenage/adult life. Feeling like I'm not as important or worth as much others. I've known, to some extent, that that isn't the truth, but it hasn't changed how I felt. I've felt like I couldn't measure up to someone's idea of who or what I should be. I've been replaced, I'm not needed. I'm not valuable. These are all lies that I have believed for most of my life. And they have tried to wreak havoc in my life. I have striven for perfection in the hopes of proving the lies wrong. But they sat in the shadows, waiting for me to mess up and prove that they were right. They hounded my heels, causing me to question what I was doing and why. The other lie that has dodged my every step was one that didn't really sound like a lie. More like I thought that it was the way it was supposed to be. It masqueraded as humility, but really, it wanted to own me. The lie? I call it Just. I'm only a "just". I downplayed all that I am. My hair and eyes are just brown, I'm only so tall, I'm only an aide, I can only read notes, I can't hear music, etc. You name it, I downplayed it and discounted it. I've looked at others and thought about how much better they were than me. It sat there and whispered and fed the other lies. Just. Such a small word, yet when allowed, it toyed with my life and caused chaos and commotion. It's a lie that because "I'm only a 'just,' I don't matter as much. Others have more to say. Someone else can do it better."
   And not only was this a lie that caused me to doubt myself and God, but I used this lie as a shield to keep myself safe. That way, others couldn't discount me. If I didn't reach out and try for things, no one could say that I failed. Or that I didn't measure up. Or I wasn't good enough. Or whatever. It didn't really matter, I just didn't want to be belittled or made fun of. To be made like I didn't matter.
   But it doesn't matter what other people say about me. Because all of those lies are just that. Lies. They aren't what God says about me. He says that He CHOSE me. He called me by name. I don't need to prove anything to anyone because I am His. I am His beloved. And nothing is wasted. Everything works together for my good. And He knows the plans that He has for me, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
   These are all thoughts that have been mulling around in my brain for the past few months... And then I lost my job. And you know what? Those lies didn't rear their ugly heads. God has been working on my heart, and I know that it is all going to be okay. Am I sad? You bet! But this I know for sure: God is in control. He is my Beloved, and I am His. He is hiding me in the shadow of His wings, and the storm can't get to me. I just have to chose to trust Him. I'll be honest, though, some days are easier than others. I grieve for all that was lost. But I don't wallow in the lies that I am a failure. Did I mess up? Yes, I didn't do it all perfectly. But that doesn't make me a failure. It just means that I am human. And in my humanness, mistakes were made. I'm working on my flaws, and striving to live as Christ has called me. I'm not perfect, but He is perfect in me. And one day, I'll be mature. Mostly. :) There's a part of me that will always remain childlike, but I like that part of me. :)
   I apologize for the length, but hopefully this has encouraged you as much as it has encouraged me. For in putting all these thoughts into words, He has reminded me that I'm not alone, and He is good. And nothing happens that isn't going to be good for me.

In His Love,
   Christy