Unwanted Anniversaries

    Two years have passed since my divorce became official. Five years ago today was the day I told my ex he needed to move and figure out what he wanted in life. It seems like both a lifetime has passed, and that only yesterday my life was completely different. It was never a road I wanted to walk down, but rather one I found myself on, for reasons beyond my control. 

    If you had asked me 8 years ago when I got married, what my life would look like in 8 years, I probably would have told you something along the lines of living in a house with my husband, have a couple of kids already, being a stay-at-home mom, things like that. Basically, my dream life. Because that's what happens when you grow up, right? You get married, you have kids, a job, and you live life.  

    But what do you do when the unthinkable happens? When what you thought your future would be, isn't what it turned out to be? What then? How do you pick up and move on when your entire life is shattered into a million pieces around you?

    Honestly, I didn't know then, and I'm not sure I could answer that question now... How did I get through the last few years? Only by the grace of Jesus have I made it this far.    

 But there are times I wonder, will the wounds heal? After all, it has been five years since I made the first step on this journey. Five very long years. And now I have unwanted anniversaries, days I remember when dreams died... I know I'm not the only one who has dates that make them sad. And I bet you think you are the only one who remembers them. You might be the only one who remembers that specific date, but you are not alone. We all have our own journeys, our own hard things that have left wounds on our souls. The only question left now is, what do you do with it? What do you do with the dates that leave you feeling broken inside?    

    When everything had been stripped away, the only thing left was Jesus, and I have held on to Him with a tenacity I didn't know I had inside me. Because I knew, as long as I had Jesus, I could get through anything. But life has sucked and it hasn't been much fun, and I have struggled to find the goodness that I thought I was supposed to have. I couldn't seem to find a sunrise, when my future was shrouded in the mist.

 Take today for example. Today I had to work. All I wanted to do was go home, crawl into bed, cry, and then sleep. But I knew that I couldn't give up. Did I cry in the car? Yes. Did I cry inside work? Almost. But I kept moving forward. Yesterday I took the day to be sad, and today I knew I needed to do the day. 

    If there is one thing I've learned on this journey, it's that there is nothing wrong with taking the time to be sad. Give yourself the grace to feel your emotions. Right now, I'm sad a lot. But I know it won't always be so. Doesn't the Bible promise us that there is a time to mourn AND a time to dance? I'm not dancing yet. But I take comfort in the fact that He is always with me. This song came on my Pandora radio station this past weekend, and it has brought healing to my soul.

    Jesus came to bring us peace, and He didn't mean "world peace". He came to heal our wounds in our hearts, to bring comfort and hope. I am not alone, and neither are you. And that is the truth that I have held on to all these years. 

In His Love,

Christy